Self Motivated User-focussed Gratitude

Self Motivated User-focussed Gratitude

I often think that gratitude is much misunderstood. Despite the positive psychology movement and religious organizations recognizing its benefits I sometimes feel only half of the subject is considered.

There is a reasonable body of research which suggests that keeping a Gratitude Journal, a diary of things for which you are grateful can help you promote a positive frame of mind and a greater sense of happiness. People who keep gratitude journals have been shown to be generally happier, optimistic and more productive to similar people who do not keep such journals. Gratitude Journals have been shown to reduce depressive symptoms and possibly have beneficial effects on some chronic physical ailments.

Intuitively this “count your blessings” approach seems to have much to commend it and I have looked at a number of paper and computerized gratitude journals. They did not work for me. When I tried to use them I transformed into tearful actor winning the best cameo role in an international film at the Oscars – “I’d like to thank my Mum and Dad for having me, my children for being nice, my employers for putting up with my incompetence, my neighbours for having a nice garden, the sun for shining and making me feel warm, my bodily health for persisting so far despite my ignoring it, the wind for clearing the lawns of leaves and the bees for pollinating the plants so we do not die in a famine. I’d also like to thank the canteen boy .. .. .. .. “.

This was the problem, there are many, many things one might be thankful for. Although, it has to be said, that I only became aware of these once writing in the journal. I was not thankful before I sat down to think, largely I had taken these things for granted. I had glimmers of gratitude after I wrote the lists. Sometimes I worried that the feeling I had was contentment rather than gratitude, a sense of happiness with my lot, having counted my blessings I was pleased there were so many.

There is a danger in this: if it fosters contentment might it not also foster complacency? It might make me happier by making me happy with my lot. Perhaps a better route to happiness sometimes would be to recognize my troubles and tribulations and change them.

I think this risk is biggest when only half of the nature of gratitude is recognised. In addition to being grateful for things we are also grateful to people. Gratitude is a debt we owe, when we feel gratitude we know we require to say “thank you” to someone. Those of a religious nature rarely forget this half. They are thankful to God and gratitude serves to bolster and strengthen their faith.  Thanksgiving is a natural aspect of religious life and gratitude is understandable in this context.

“Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

To whom do those without a deity give thanks; to friends and family certainly, but who for the bigger things – to fate ? And what of those things one enjoys that one sees as the fruits of one’s own labour – you can not really be grateful to yourself, you can’t owe thanks to yourself. And here is the rub. Sometimes people are grateful to the fates that they have been lucky and no disasters have befallen then, they are proud that they have worked and collected many things to look on in happiness, they are pleased that they have formed good relations with their friends and families and they feel fortunate that their parents bore them in a place they feel safe and secure. But this pride in your own acheivements and contentedness with your circumstances is not gratitude. There is a shorter word for this Self Motivated User-focussed Gratitude, it is called being “smug“. Unfortunately the happiness that accompanies smugness is always short-lived because, as we know, pride always comes before a fall.


From Daily Prompt : Gratitude

Advertisements

Androphilia by Jack Donovan

Androphilia by Jack Donovan

I had read and enjoyed Jack Donovan’s book “The Way othf Men” and when I came across Androphilia, while browsing the net, I decided to give it a try. I was probably not the author’s target demographic as he describes his book as a ‘rant‘ and ‘manifesto’ for homosexual men to encourage them to throw of the chains of the gay culture and to rediscover masculinity. That being said, only half of the book is about the gay culture and gay identity, about half is also concerned with the nature of masculinity itself.

I suppose it should be no surprise that someone who has found his desire is directed towards other men would have thought about masculinity and have useful and interesting insights into the nature of ‘manliness’. This is not a minor point as Mr Donovan points out :-

“Being male is the fundamental source of identity for every male—before race, class or creed—and being a man affects virtually every aspect of a man’s life”

However,  despite the importance of the topic maleness and masculinity receive scant attention in current culture. Indeed, when it is addressed it is more usually in terms of the problems of masculinity rather than consideration of its essence and utility. This unfortunately leaves men, both heterosexual and homosexual, with little opportunity to discuss how to live a life of a good man. Masculine virtues tend not to be recognised and we have a regrettable tendency to pathologize boyish behavioural patterns. He argues we need to try and re-find the masculine codes of behaviour, and this seems pertinent to all men.

What I’ve suggested here is a loose code of masculine honor, based on values like self-reliance, independence, personal responsibility, integrity, self-respect and respect for other men, that have resonated with males throughout the ages. These values have been common themes in many codes of masculinity, and they’ve inspired countless males to be better men

The other half of the book concerns the gay culture and I am really unable to appraise this aspect as easily. I share his belief that “Men should be defined by what they do, not who they screw.” but I am less certain that gay culture tends to have deleterious effects :-

“The word gay describes a whole cultural and political movement that promotes anti-male feminism, victim mentality, and leftist politics.”

“In response, I believe gay culture is a reproach to manly men. Gay culture critiques, stifles, and qualifies masculinity. It encourages effeminate affectations and effeminate interests.”

Though his arguments sound logical and coherent I have no idea how many gay men reject the effeminate aspects of this culture, nor how many share his  appreciation of manliness. But I would agree that “The gay community makes sexuality a complete lifestyle, instead of merely a part of life.” is a dangerous strategy, a dangerous strategy also promoted by other identity groups.

He can be very scathing in this area, as righteous as only an ex-sinner can be, but sometimes in these, more rant heavy passages, his writing does reveal his humour and wit more clearly.

It has always seemed like some profoundly ironic cosmic joke to me that the culture of men who love men is a culture that deifies women and celebrates effeminacy.”

I’d recommend the book to anyone interested in the subject of masculinity, whatever direction their libido takes, there is a lot of meat in this short book. The present kindle version also include a few essays as appendices which are a pleasant addition, especially his rebuttal of same-sex marriage (or perhaps just marriage) which shows a fresh viewpoint on the subject.

 

 

Animal Passions

Animal Passions

I never really gave it much thought, when I dropped out 5 years ago, that I would be responsible for securing the sexual satisfaction of my animal charges. I had always known I’d keep sheep, chickens and goats but hadn’t, at first, given much thought to keeping rams, cockerels and billy goats. I had recollections from my youth of the tales of the birds and the bees but I had rather naively just imagined that it would all just happen naturally and by accident, as it did with my own offspring. I had never really though that I would have to be the procurer of male company for them all, nor had I considered just how ornery and cussed these males could be.

Last year we dried off our two milking goats. They had given us a good run of milking and had been very productive. One of them being equally productive following a cloudburst, or phantom, pregnancy. But eventually the frozen milk ran out and we need to get them pregnant again so we can resume milking next spring. We really have missed the milk, yoghurt and cheese, and I also miss the rhythmBilly goat kid of daily milking. Starting the day early, in the byre, with just the animals for company is great for the spirits and the schedule of the milkings twice a day gives a structure to the days and is a bit like the heartbeat of the farm.

After a search we found a billy kid locally. A pretty alpine-saanen cross who was, thankfully intact. Unfortunately he had not been disbudded and thus has a pair of impressive horns. It is too late to dehorn him as this would be risky and unpleasant for him so we will have to cope with this. It perhaps makes me at risk of breaking my cardinal rule of animal husbandry – “Don’t have any animals you can’t beat in a fair fight!” as I fear, when bigger,  I may be no match for him.

When we got him back to the homestead it was clear from the attitude of the two girls that we had made a good choice. Pamela leapt to greet him and within half an hour of arriving they had mated. Pookie kept her reserve overnight and  looked rather disdainfully at her sister and her antics. However, the following morning it was she and he who were making all the noise and action while Pamela looked on with a bored expression.DSC07179

We will know in three or four weeks if the girls go back into season again or whether our first few days will prove productive. It seem likely that we may be able to expect kids in the middle of March 2018 and resume dairy production shortly thereafter.

I was surprised at how early boy goats become sexually mature. It seems that they are ready to ‘work‘ at around three months and this young boy was only a little over four months old. It has been almost surreal to watch this infant, who is all testicles and hormones, trying to mount the dams in the yard as if he were some pocket Casanova. But despite his youth he seems adequately mature, so finger crossed as we wait for spring.

DSC07202

 

 

 

Just hope no-one describes you as “loyal”

Just hope no-one describes you as “loyal”

I have become aware that I hope no-one describes me as loyal. This would not be a good sign. Although many people file the word “loyal” away in their memory beside the virtues (alongside courageous, true, steadfast and reliable), nine times out of ten when the word ‘loyal’ is used it really means stupid, hoodwinked or shortsighted.

Think about it. Remember the last story about a politicians “loyal wife” ? She may have been virtuous but she was being so described as she was standing beside a man who had betrayed her and her trust. Who are the “loyal subjects” ? They are but the cannon fodder who are marshalled by kings or emperors to lay down their own lives so that the ruler may become richer yet. And what about “loyalty cards” ? These are the tricks used by companies to keep us using them when we could get better deals or services elsewhere. And “loyal fans” ?  Those are the ones following the teams that continually loses.

Therefore I am quite certain that if I am unfortunate enough to find myself described as “loyal” then something has gone badly wrong. Either someone has cheated on me, deceived me, or has made me put my interests below theirs. It is possible to share a vision and, when doing so, it is wise to stick with it (and those sharing the vision) through difficult times.  Love doesn’t require constant revalidation and love survives through the thin, lean times  as well as the easy days. But when the word loyal is wheeled out you can be certain that we are no longer in some, temporary blip and that love may have long gone.

“Loyal” – listen out for the word and, unless you are a dog,  be ready to change you plans if you hear the word applied to you !

 

 

 

I blame Audrey Hepburn

I blame Audrey Hepburn

I blame Audrey Hepburn. Alright, she wasn’t actingBreakfast_at_Tiffanys on her own but had a number of accomplices. Alongside her winning looks and performance, Henry Mancini’s composition “Moon River” and Blake Edward’s direction make “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” one of the great films.  In fact in 2012 it was recognized as “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” by the United States Library of Congress and selected for preservation in the National Film Registry . I’d agree with praise lavished on the film as it is one of my favourites. However, due to the film’s success I thought I could accurately, anticipate what would be in the book and, as a consequence, I had never bothered to pick up Truman Capote’s novella and read it. Yesterday, in preparation for the book club later on, I got around to reading the original and was pleasantly shocked.

There are many times when the book and the film are closely related. For example I doubt anyone could find many important differences between the cinematic and literary versions of Ray Bradbury’s “Fahrenheit 451“. Anyone having read, or seen, one could anticipate the other and there would be no surprises; one art form has held a mirror up to another, created its sibling,  and managed to double our pleasure. Sometimes films do take liberties with the content or intention of books and, while the result may be pleasing, they must be seen as two quite separate entities, related but separate, as the messages communicated are potentially very different. This film is so different to the book as to be almost unrelated. Perhaps it is a second cousin twice removed from the original book.

While they have taken the name and the beauty indexof the Holly Golightly character they have cleaned her up and washed away all the complex and untidy aspects of her nature. They have changed the era in which the story takes place. The novella occurs in wartime – a time of austerity, a time of death and uncertainty and it has the wise-cracking dialogue of the time. The book occurs in the post-war period – a period of optimism and growth and abundance. Holly in the book is a very complicated character, lively and enticing as in the film, but much more free in her spirits, partially a libertine and partially a lost soul. She uses her looks and youth to survive though it is clear that she is a character who has many other strings to he bow – she can act, she can sing and speak other languages – but she can not face being tied down or  to live in the mundane world.

“I’ll never get used to anything. Anybody that does, they might as well be dead”

Both the book and the film convey Holly’s beauty indexand attractions. It is difficult to imaging the character Holly Golightly without imagining Audrey in her sunglasses, elbow length gloves and cigarette holder. In the film the sunglasses carry the glamour of Jackie Onassis and the mystery of the mask. In the book we know that masks do help to hide ourselves  but that also the sunglasses can hide the effects, or black eye, from the night before.

She misses all her opportunities for contentment,  as to be content is inadequate for her. This leads her to a life possibly overful which makes her question her own, and society’s morals, and wonders if she is a prostitute by living off her appearance and favours :-

“Really, though, I toted up the other night, and I’ve only had eleven lovers — not counting anything that happened before I was thirteen because, after all, that just doesn’t count. Eleven. Does that make me a whore? ”

“Of course I haven’t anything against whores. Except this: some of them may have an honest tongue but they all have dishonest hearts. I mean, you can’t bang the guy and cash his checks and at least not try to believe you love him. I never have. Even Benny Shacklett and all those rodents. I sort of hypnotized myself into thinking their sheer rattiness had a certain allure”

She recognizes that love is more important than sex and it is clear that other characters, who have no libidinous interest in her, do indeed love her and, over a generation ago, she suggested that all love should be considered valuable.

“I’d settle for Garbo any day. Why not? A person ought to be able to marry men or women or — listen, if you came to me and said you wanted to hitch up with Man o’ War, I’d respect your feeling. No, I’m serious. Love should be allowed. I’m all for it”

However, her fears of restraint  or curtailment hamper any attempts at forming deeper relationships. We always know this is going to be a picaresque tale and unlike the film there is to be no happy ending. In the book we know that she will be an ever fading beauty who will slide from view as her looks and allure weaken. It is in this area that the book and film differ most markedly. Both are romances but the film is a romance of fairy tales and dreams coming true, while the book is a tale of loosing your heart to someone while you try and live your dream

 

 

The 100-foot Journey

The 100-foot Journey

This was a serious disappointment. A remake100ft of Chocolat without the panache or ganache, although it would be true to say that this confection was rather sickly sweet. There is a rule in cinema that there is an inverse relationship between the amount of slow-motion photography and the overall quality of the film – this film uses a lot of slow motion scenes (just so we understand that we are being emotional) . The scenes of cooking were reminiscent of a Marks & Spencer food advert and the whole piece came over as ‘The Peoples Friend’ magazine for the middle class urbanite.

The film poster  tells you all you need to know about the storyline. It is so formulaic that there are no surprises whatsoever. There is no question ‘if‘ couples will fall in love simply ‘when‘ . The cinematography paints some lovely pictures which are chocolate-box lovely. If this is what you want, a box of sweets to wend away a wet afternoon when Masterchef is off the television, then this is the film for you.

If you are able to, and enjoy thinking, then perhaps try something else, perhaps try anything else